I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
