theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
