i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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