My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
