I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
