My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
