I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
