i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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