All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
