I think i sorta joined a cult last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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