SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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