I love black thongs
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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