I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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