The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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