btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How naked do you want me to be?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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