This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
