Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
