I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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