I'm gonna have a badass scar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
