is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
