There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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