i may or may not be watching the land before time
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
