i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
