You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
