Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
