STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my shit smells like andre
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
