Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
