you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Congratulations! We have a period
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