All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
