i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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