I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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