The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
