I will die if light touches me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
