I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
