the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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