are you still at the devil's house?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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