I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
