i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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