I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
