The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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