He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
