Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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