I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
