maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
