fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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