we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
