Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
