Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
