Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
