it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
