Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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