end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
