I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
