He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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