I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
