we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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