The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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