stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
