I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
