one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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