talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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